11 Jun

In the time I’ve been able to spend sans computer, I’ve been able to do quite a bit of thinking. (Not to mention quite a bit of playing and quite a bit of t.v. time, but whatever…) Paige is 9 months old and I want another baby.

Yes, I realize this makes me officially crazy.

I worry though, about having two very young children.

And acquaintance of mine just had her 2nd and her children are only 13 months apart. Sometimes, I think it would be easier. They would never really know what it’s like to not have a sibling and the stages of life are very similar.

But then I have days where Paige just WON’T give it UP and I’m pulling my hair out. Days where I’m sure that if I had two close in age, I might be committed to the looney bin.

I think my brother and I were too far apart (not intentional) in age, so I want to have my children within 2 or 3 years of each other. But do I really want another child when one is going through the terrible two’s?

Another thought process is whether I even WANT more than one child. Some days, I think I would be perfectly happy leaving my family the way it is. I adore my little girl and can’t imagine having to split my love/time/attention between two or more. I know it can be done and I know that your love grows with each additional child, but it’s daunting to think about.

On the other hand…I feel a pull to have a “big” family (by today’s standards) and Dave is really leaning toward only having two children. It hurts a little to hear him say that the day I deliver child #2 (especially if it’s a boy), he’s going in for the big snip. What if (God forbid), something happens and we want more children? It’s not ALWAYS reversible and I’m not sure I want to make a decision like that while we’re still so young. I’ll have two kids by the time I’m 28 (fingers crossed at least)…when most people haven’t even begun to start having children. What if I want 3? Or 5? I know I don’t want a family of Duggar-sized proportions, but I’m not sure where I want to end.

I had a dream last night (one of many…it was a rough night for me apparently) where I found out that I was 30 weeks pregnant and had the baby at 38 weeks. It was a beautiful little girl named Lillyanna (yeah, not something Dave would agree to). But it was so real…I actually woke up and wondered if I was pregnant. I think God is trying to tell me that I’m having another girl next time around. I guess we’ll see.

I need my computer back…apparently I’ve been thinking too much about this.

(Random thought…I have AT LEAST 10 hymnals in my house. This does not include praise books or compilation books (of which there are probably 20 more). I can probably find you any hymn you want.)

One Response to “Another?”

  1. Mom June 14, 2009 at 3:09 pm #

    Maybe you dreamt having a girl because Dave said if you have a boy, he is going in for the “snip” and you want more that 2. 🙂 Having more than one child is a challenge, but they also entertain each other, be it having fun or not getting along LOL

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