Angry

17 Aug

I am angry.

I am so angry I could spit nails.

But not at just one thing, that would be too easy.

I’m angry with Thomas. His selfishness has severely hurt Lisa. I’m angry that he’s put fears and doubt into Dave by his stupid ass actions. I’m angry that he thought he could play God.

I’m angry with Dave. He doesn’t consider me when making decisions. He thinks that whatever he says goes. In a way, he’s actually VERY controlling. It can be anything, from liking movies to whether or not Paige goes to his grandfather’s funeral (more on that in a minute). But if I don’t agree, major fighting and things usually end up going his way. I’m angry that he’s giving up, that I feel like I’m alone in this fight for us, that I’m ALWAYS last in his mind.

I’m angry at his family. His grandfather is dying (cancer) and they don’t understand that we have lives of our own. Calls every 30 minutes from multiple people is NOT OKAY. I’m so sick of them and in the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind, wish all of them would just GO AWAY. Yes, his grandfather is dying. Yes, he’s currently up there seeing him for what will probably the last time. NOW LEAVE HIM ALONE. No, Paige will NOT be going to the hospital and no, she will NOT be going to the funeral. I feel very strongly about this and I don’t care what Dave says…it WILL NOT happen.

I’m angry at myself for not being able to just forgive and forget.

I’m angry at myself for letting myself be walked on for so many years, that everyone around me just assumes that’s how it’s going to be. So I end up being “that bitch” and told that I need to just give it up when I’m just protecting myself and my daughter. She will not grow up being a doormat like I was.

I’m angry that I have no patience. Life has taken an extreme toll on me this past week and Paige is the one suffering. She’s not the one I should be yelling at, not the taking the brunt of my anger (I NEVER hit her fyi), it’s not her fault.

I’m so angry that I can’t just run away. I’m severely tempted to go visit my cousin in Colorado and be gone for a month.

I’m just THAT angry right now and I don’t know what to do anymore.

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